During any type of loss in our lives we will naturally feel and go though each of the five stages of grief one at a time, be it a separation, a breakup, a divorce, or during the death of a loved one. The five stages of grief are exactly the same for each type of loss.
You may think your situation is different and yes, the exact nature of your loss is different but not the feelings you are experiencing. The feelings are the same for everyone but everyone reacts differently to these feelings.
I am going to talk about relationship breakups or separations and divorces. Changing the way you respond to these feelings will make the difference. When you are going through a breakup and you do not want to, the first feeling is “This can’t be happening” “This is not real” You may even try to act as if nothing is wrong. Your mind will try to protect you from the pain and reality of this situation.
There is usually the person doing the leaving and the person being left. The person doing the leaving is going to feel denial too, but they have come to you and said they want to leave. You must try to understand that they need to talk right now. You can sometimes save the relationship if you are able to face them and address the problem right at that moment in a calm, adult manner without anger or frustration. This is the point where most people fail.
If you are the person being left, I am taking to you. When they say to you “I want to leave you” you may feel instantly angry, because it may be a shock to you. Try with all your might, all your strength not to respond with that anger. You should, if you can, say, “will you give me a couple of minutes to gather myself and is it possible to talk about this?” It may sound simple to you, but it is not simple to react that calmly to such a situation. The person doing the leaving feels bad and a little scared at how you might react to this.
So if you are calm, nine out of ten times they will give you the opportunity to talk about what they are feeling. You might sit there and try to beg them to stay, do not do that, you might try to bring up their past mistakes that you have forgiven, do not do that, DO NOT lay blame on the person doing the leaving, this will push them out the door fast. Let that person try to explain what they are feeling, without any reaction from you, you need to LISTEN, just listen and allow them their feelings.
If you are the one out of one hundred that can do what I just said then you have the chance of saving your relationship at this point. But if you are like most people and can not do any of the above, then your partner is going to walk out the door. The feelings of denial will now set in for both of you. The person who left will begin to feel they made a mistake. They will begin thinking about you.
Now I am talking to you the person who was left. Your feeling of denial will set in and you might start doing some of the things that most in your situation do. You call, you text message, you drive by where they are staying and so on. You just can not believe it is over, this can not be happening to you. You are in Denial. Do not call; do not talk to them at all, in any way.
“What! Do not let them know I am still here and alive!” They know you are, trust me. If you start doing those things, you will push them further away. Do not start begging them to talk to you and to see you. Do not leave ten million messages a day. You are not the one that needs to be heard at this point, they are and you did not listen to them in the beginning of all this. There is a saying an old one, silly as it may sound; Let them go, if they come back, they were always yours, if they do not, they never were.
You might think that this is harder than the stuff I said before. And you might be right, but know this, your silence will speak louder than if you were to scream in their ear. Your silence will lead them to think about you and how you are; they might even call you just to check on you. But remember one thing, this can take a month or two, sometimes it happens much faster, but it does take time. So when the call comes, or if you see them someplace else; take hold of your emotions; when they ask you how you are, tell your ex-partner that you are doing fine, you are ok and you hope they are happy because that’s all you really want for them. NOW find a reason to get off the phone quickly, or get away from them if they come by or see you someplace else.
You are going to break down inside and you can not let them see this right now; they need to believe you have moved on. Now they will go crazy and try to find a way back into your life. Sometimes it comes in the form of breakup sex, they show up to have sex with you, and this happens about 90% of the time. Do not do it, tell them you will go to dinner or for a walk to catch up on how THEY are doing. Now you can listen to them and have a grown up conversation with them about the relationship.
During the time you are away from each other, you will suffer the other four stages of grief; you must recognize them and control your reactions to those feelings. Understand you are feeling them but do not react in a negative way to them. Allow yourself to go thought the process; you will need to call a friend to lean on, but please, resist the temptation to call your ex for help at all costs.
The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It is difficult to keep a clear focus during a relationship separation, find the answers you need to get your ex back into your life. Click here to learn what to say, how to say it and when to say it. Having these answers will guide you into resolving your relationship.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Stop Asking Him so Many Questions
Ladies, I need to talk straight to you about your relationship with men. I not telling you these things because I know everything, this could not be further from the truth, I have had many problems with men and relationships.
In the past I have done these vary things, and I have seen my girlfriends do the some things, it was only a short time ago, and I began to realize the pain it caused in the relationship. For both of us; I asked my self, why was I doing this?
Men are hard for us to understand and some of the things we do actually will drive them into the arms of another woman. Yes, we do this to them, yes it is partly our fault; we cause them to seek what they need from another.
Men need so little from us, but we sometimes forget they are men and not another woman. We talk and talk and talk and we want them to talk about their feelings also. This is so hard for men; they are not in touch with those feelings the way we are.
Men are the hunters, not the gatherers. Men are the fixers, not the home makers. Men will be with you in your environment and not change a thing if you’re happy. Men will live in pink and lace, if you’re happy, they do not care. Honestly do not ask him what he thinks about the color of the paint you want, he will nine times out of ten say to you “That looks fine, sweetie” and you may say this to him in return, “Honey, please tell me what you really think, I want to know?”
Now you have put him on the spot, he has already told you it looked fine to him. Now he is not sure what you want from him, I swear, he doesn’t know what he should say to you that will be right. This is what he may be thinking to himself, “What’s wrong with the color, is there something I should have seen and I did not, I can not tell if there is something wrong with the color.” Poor man, he has no idea that you do not think there is something wrong, but because you asked for his REAL opinion he is now lost and thinks you saw something wrong with it and he did not see it.
Women on the other hand can have an in depth conversation about paint color that could last for days before we finally come to a decision about the right color. NOT A MAN, he can not do that, stop asking so many questions of him. He said it was fine, now you have to let it go because he really thinks it is just fine.
Men only really want us to be happy, they will go out of their way to help us do what ever we want as long as we allow them to be what they are; men.
So when your dressed to go out to dinner; we always ask, “how do I look?” we do not and should not do that, all you have to do is look at him, turn around slowly and watch his eyes, they will inform you of his true thoughts, then you gaze into his eyes for 30 or so seconds and smile a sweet feminine smile, he will come to you, without speaking a word. This is a powerful communication that you can have with your man.
Masculine is to give, feminine is to receive. You should be having quiet conversations with him, through a look or a gentle touch. Allow him to give of his own free will; do not ask for him to give to you.
Trust yourself when it comes to your womanhood, your femininity, your mystery. Your ability to shine in his eyes comes from knowing your inner feminine side and allowing his outer masculine side. It is this allowing of his masculine side, which is sometimes hard for us. We have bad habits, we as women need to think about what we say before we say it, ask the right questions and allow his response to be his true response, get out of the habit of asking a second or even a third time. When you re-ask the same question, your insinuating that he is not being honest or that he is deceiving you in some way. This is not the case, his answers are simple and direct, there is no need for him to evaluate every situation, and remember he is not wired the same as women.
There is a lot of great advice out there for people in difficult relationships, and losing each relationship and trying desperately to re-kindle a dissolved relationship, take what works for you and use it. Men and women are different; it is the differences that need to be understood for you to have the successful relationship you deserve.
More information here
In the past I have done these vary things, and I have seen my girlfriends do the some things, it was only a short time ago, and I began to realize the pain it caused in the relationship. For both of us; I asked my self, why was I doing this?
Men are hard for us to understand and some of the things we do actually will drive them into the arms of another woman. Yes, we do this to them, yes it is partly our fault; we cause them to seek what they need from another.
Men need so little from us, but we sometimes forget they are men and not another woman. We talk and talk and talk and we want them to talk about their feelings also. This is so hard for men; they are not in touch with those feelings the way we are.
Men are the hunters, not the gatherers. Men are the fixers, not the home makers. Men will be with you in your environment and not change a thing if you’re happy. Men will live in pink and lace, if you’re happy, they do not care. Honestly do not ask him what he thinks about the color of the paint you want, he will nine times out of ten say to you “That looks fine, sweetie” and you may say this to him in return, “Honey, please tell me what you really think, I want to know?”
Now you have put him on the spot, he has already told you it looked fine to him. Now he is not sure what you want from him, I swear, he doesn’t know what he should say to you that will be right. This is what he may be thinking to himself, “What’s wrong with the color, is there something I should have seen and I did not, I can not tell if there is something wrong with the color.” Poor man, he has no idea that you do not think there is something wrong, but because you asked for his REAL opinion he is now lost and thinks you saw something wrong with it and he did not see it.
Women on the other hand can have an in depth conversation about paint color that could last for days before we finally come to a decision about the right color. NOT A MAN, he can not do that, stop asking so many questions of him. He said it was fine, now you have to let it go because he really thinks it is just fine.
Men only really want us to be happy, they will go out of their way to help us do what ever we want as long as we allow them to be what they are; men.
So when your dressed to go out to dinner; we always ask, “how do I look?” we do not and should not do that, all you have to do is look at him, turn around slowly and watch his eyes, they will inform you of his true thoughts, then you gaze into his eyes for 30 or so seconds and smile a sweet feminine smile, he will come to you, without speaking a word. This is a powerful communication that you can have with your man.
Masculine is to give, feminine is to receive. You should be having quiet conversations with him, through a look or a gentle touch. Allow him to give of his own free will; do not ask for him to give to you.
Trust yourself when it comes to your womanhood, your femininity, your mystery. Your ability to shine in his eyes comes from knowing your inner feminine side and allowing his outer masculine side. It is this allowing of his masculine side, which is sometimes hard for us. We have bad habits, we as women need to think about what we say before we say it, ask the right questions and allow his response to be his true response, get out of the habit of asking a second or even a third time. When you re-ask the same question, your insinuating that he is not being honest or that he is deceiving you in some way. This is not the case, his answers are simple and direct, there is no need for him to evaluate every situation, and remember he is not wired the same as women.
There is a lot of great advice out there for people in difficult relationships, and losing each relationship and trying desperately to re-kindle a dissolved relationship, take what works for you and use it. Men and women are different; it is the differences that need to be understood for you to have the successful relationship you deserve.
More information here
Subject: Law of Physics
DO YOU APPRECIATE THE LAW OF PHYSICS?
I am quoting this whole article, I received from a friend. OMG! That’s all I can say about this, but I was not surprised at all, I have not been impressed with the people that are being put in charge of fixing things from this administration, sad fact.
A very big thanks to Michigan member Mike Patridge who sent this bit of Humor, which was forwarded from a senior-level person at Chrysler. The date on this note was Sunday, July 19, 2009.
Monday morning I attended a breakfast meeting where the speaker/guest was David E. Cole, Chairman Center for Automotive research (CAR and Professor at the University of Michigan). You have all likely heard CAR quoted, or referred to in the auto industry news lately.
Mr. Cole, who is an engineer by training, told many stories of the difficulty of working with the folks that the Obama administration has sent to save the auto industry. There have been many meetings where 30+ year experienced automotive experts have listened to a new comer to the industry, someone with zero manufacturing experience, zero auto industry experience, zero finance experience, and zero engineering experience, tell them how to run their businesses.
Mr. Coles favorite story is as follows: There was a team of Obama people speaking to Mr. Cole (engineer, automotive experience of 40+ years, and Chairman of CAR). They were explaining to Mr. Cole that the auto companies needed to make a car that was electric and liquid natural gas (LNG) with enough combined fuel to go 500 miles so we wouldn’t “need” so many gas stations (a whole other topic). They were quoting BTUs of LNG and battery life that they had looked up on some web site.
Mr. Cole explained that to do this you would need a TRUCK FULL of batteries and a LNG tank as big as the car to make this happen, and that there were problems related to the Law of Physics that prevented them from…..
The Obama person interrupted and said (and I am quoting here): “These laws of Physics? Whose rules are those? We need to change that.” (Some of the others wrote down the law name so they could look it up.) Obama person continued, “We have the congress and administration. We can repel that law, amend it, or use an executive order to get rid of that problem. That’s why we are here, to fix these sorts of issues.”
…And these are the same people that are going to FIX.........
...Health Care??.......
I am quoting this whole article, I received from a friend. OMG! That’s all I can say about this, but I was not surprised at all, I have not been impressed with the people that are being put in charge of fixing things from this administration, sad fact.
A very big thanks to Michigan member Mike Patridge who sent this bit of Humor, which was forwarded from a senior-level person at Chrysler. The date on this note was Sunday, July 19, 2009.
Monday morning I attended a breakfast meeting where the speaker/guest was David E. Cole, Chairman Center for Automotive research (CAR and Professor at the University of Michigan). You have all likely heard CAR quoted, or referred to in the auto industry news lately.
Mr. Cole, who is an engineer by training, told many stories of the difficulty of working with the folks that the Obama administration has sent to save the auto industry. There have been many meetings where 30+ year experienced automotive experts have listened to a new comer to the industry, someone with zero manufacturing experience, zero auto industry experience, zero finance experience, and zero engineering experience, tell them how to run their businesses.
Mr. Coles favorite story is as follows: There was a team of Obama people speaking to Mr. Cole (engineer, automotive experience of 40+ years, and Chairman of CAR). They were explaining to Mr. Cole that the auto companies needed to make a car that was electric and liquid natural gas (LNG) with enough combined fuel to go 500 miles so we wouldn’t “need” so many gas stations (a whole other topic). They were quoting BTUs of LNG and battery life that they had looked up on some web site.
Mr. Cole explained that to do this you would need a TRUCK FULL of batteries and a LNG tank as big as the car to make this happen, and that there were problems related to the Law of Physics that prevented them from…..
The Obama person interrupted and said (and I am quoting here): “These laws of Physics? Whose rules are those? We need to change that.” (Some of the others wrote down the law name so they could look it up.) Obama person continued, “We have the congress and administration. We can repel that law, amend it, or use an executive order to get rid of that problem. That’s why we are here, to fix these sorts of issues.”
…And these are the same people that are going to FIX.........
...Health Care??.......
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